umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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