I'm sorry my penis didn't work
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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