Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
