I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize
