please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
