Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.