Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
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he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
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I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?