feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.