If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"