i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
