my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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