after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
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Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
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What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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