Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
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We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
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Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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