I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
