6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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