Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Randomize
