I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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