HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
