my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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