soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
