um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
sarcasm needs its own font
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
