; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
