so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
