OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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