we have officially lost it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
