it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
