2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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