is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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