Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
