We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
