Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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