So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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