so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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