Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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