The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize