Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
