I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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