HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
