you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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