I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
