Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
