Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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