If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
