Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My friends, they love my intelligence
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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