Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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