i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
