so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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