Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
