You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
