I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
