Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
