She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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