I am spending my child support on dildos
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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