You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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