their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize