based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
