My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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