Im at strip club and am horny
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
