I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
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We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
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I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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