Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
