She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
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