my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
