She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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