Sponge bath it is.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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