somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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