So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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