i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
send nudes
from the living room?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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