But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Blood and glitter go together right?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
